09. Child needs support not service – Parenting Article

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Providing a child everything is something all the parents want to or can say need to do. But being able to decide about ‘what to give’, ‘when to give’ and ‘how much to give’ is something more important, isn’t it? Overabundance snatches away the joy of seeking! So, if as parents we intend the children to explore new horizons, we first need to curb ourselves from being their servants and should have to focus on becoming their life support, don’t you agree?

After a few years of togetherness, the child and the parents get used to each other. Whatever they do becomes a routine for the others. Only major things are now being noticed like first tooth, first spoken word or the first step walked. Along with this, the mother gets involved in supplying the child with daily needs while the father in fulfilling the financial requirements.

There is a new trend developing in society that father now tries to accompany the mother while it is about caring for the child. He tries to take part actively. I have seen many male friends helping their women with one kid while she is busy with another or while she is working outside. In doing this, both of them almost forget about what they are supplying is whether required at that time or not. They usually keep an eye on the surrounding trends and decide accordingly.

Does this mean that the child is getting what it actually needs?

Have you ever checked if you are overdoing it or not?

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Can someone stop my mom?

Let’s start it with a small requirement like food. I have observed a couple of mothers who make their kids’ daily eating- a Federal Case! ;)

These women (-without considering the child’s appetite!) are armed to feed it. They have machete of variety of food items like vegetables and fruits, soups and juices, dry fruits and milk products and the list advances.

I think all the things I have mentioned here are surely required for a kid to grow healthy but overabundance is not helpful any way. Giving a meal that consists of everything balanced yet in a desired quantity for a kid would be a better and wise act. I know a friend who kept on feeding her toddler with over nourished food round the clock causing the kid digestion issues!!

If you are sure that your child is normal enough to tell you about its hunger, lethargy or the call of nature, then you should rather give it little time so that it can ask you for. Once you start giving it without waiting for its call, your child would hardly understand how it feels when it is really hungry or how it can manage in tougher times. Here I am trying to point about working mothers who manage the home and her job alone. There might be some days when she couldn’t make it in time. So, giving your little fellow a habit to manage itself would help them both.

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How much is required at once?

Food was only an example but today the society is having more or less deep pocketed families everywhere. They afford to provide and to dwindle resources without giving a thought. Doing this would give your kid a habit to taper it off. It is very much important to understand considerably about outpouring of things, information or even care we provide. 

Parents usually develop a mentality that their child should have everything which they couldn’t have in their childhood. But as a parent, have you checked it for at least once if the child needs it or not? There is nothing wrong in thinking so.

Each of us wants to make their child’s life better than we had as a child but the path we are choosing for that betterment is not right if it passes through overabundance.

Because of such an attitude of parents, the bequeathed child may develop a tendency to be a freeloader. Or sometimes providing everything in time makes the child accustomed with a demanding mindset. Parents are not any wizards; this thing the kid must have to understand in time before it becomes a demanding screwball!

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This is not the right time.

The same may happen when the parents overdo it while providing information to the child. Now a days parent are well educated mostly. But they should keep a check on what is moving past the kid. Unnecessary sluice of information can bereave the kid of its childhood earlier! Instead depriving it of some irrelevant ‘what’s what’ would be helpful. To let them explore their facts and realities or even fancies would be more precious than what you have stocked up. Sometimes being alert in time can avoid unwanted nuisance!

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It has to do it on its own.

Have you seen a baby bird being taught how to fly by its parent birds??

They do it by two ways either by applying positive reinforcement or simply by pushing the baby bird out of the nest until it flails the wings!! The positive reinforcement is the way we also can use for our kids. It is to provide the child some motivation to become independent about its needs instead of buttering up its bread on its behalf!

What if the child doesn’t find the motivation winsome. What if the winning could not entice the kid to induce self reliance? Then, pushing it for self-sufficiency is the best way one can go for. ‘Hitting the ground’ for several times would definitely help the youngster to learn how to stand it! After all endurance is one of the values the child will need for sustenance. So, as a parent your feeding spoon for the child may work or may not but your survival techniques would definitely!

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