We mostly judge someone’s life considering single aspect of his/her life. Life is a reflection of the choices we make. Human life is a complete mixture of achievements and privation. We can’t alter any of it by any means, until the person wants to change it.
Enjoy reading a new article in the series – With love, Swati. If you prefer to read it in Gujarati, Click Here.
You may have realized that there are a large number of people around who don’t get enough in terms of payment, treatment, respect, care, love or privileges as per their qualification, abilities, skills and needs. It means, by looking at them we constantly feel that ‘he/she deserves better!’ Now, don’t feel guilty if you’re feeling the same for yourself as we are slowly transforming into those self-centered creatures (Being SELFISH is a different thing, right!?)So, observing one’s self and thinking about own condition first is something we all are slowly getting used to. But as I’ve always believed, there must be a different angle to this situation.
Have you ever considered if the people we are talking about here also feel something lacking in their lives. If we ask them, the answer might be a “Yes”! Next, when we ask ourselves if we know his/her limitations too, the answer most of the times remains “NO”!! I can say so because if we would have known the person closely, we’d never prefer to remind him of his destitution, correct? What I strongly believe in is it’s not troublesome to have some problems in life; what bothers us is the realization rather a constant apprehension of the issues we have to deal with. A person can live with the problems he has if someone doesn’t keep on reminding them.
It’s just human tendency to accept the situation when we’ve to live with it for long. It slowly becomes a part of life. As a human being, the acknowledgement of agony is accepted as a part of life in long run, yet the emotion related to that hardship, is something one hardly can forget. And by telling people about how much unfortunate they have been to suffer such difficult times in life, we trigger that woeful emotion. When we tell someone things like, ‘you suffer too much’ or ‘you really have a difficult life’, we’re actually disrupting his psychological environment. Here, we are not talking about people who are always ready to raise issues or welcome problems. The mentality of such people is worth another full length article. We’re talking about commoners just like you n me.
We are the ordinary people, who are accustomed to find happiness by making small adjustments to the situations we’ve gotten in life. We can mould our lives by making little compromises that lead us to the fleeting moments of joy. While people around us compare our lives with others’ and prove their point by informing us about how much grief is implicit behind what we understand as our happiness; they’re hardly aware of the limitations of our nature. Next they move on and forget about what they’ve done to us. Let me throw some light on the untouched corner of this episode.
Once you tell someone about how unreal or incomplete his/her contentment is; you’re totally unaware of what or how much that person understands or extracts from it. If the person hasn’t taken your note in a lighter way, there’s a lot of damage likely to be done. Your couple of statements might lead to many more arguments, comments, quarrels, dissatisfaction, accusation, calculations and what not! He might get driven to the disquiet in his personal or public life though unknowingly. I agree that the person telling can’t be held responsible alone, but the one who listens and reacts negatively has also an equal part to play. Still, if only a realization can bring about such an agitation, isn’t it worth avoiding??
Anyone we think is ‘suffering’ or ‘in trouble’ has the right to choose. Being sad or annoyed can never be anyone’s choice, right? So if there is a compulsion, one should try to get out of it and for us too, the only option is to cooperate, when being asked for!! Reminding others that they are unhappy or sharing their grief won’t improve their situation. And if you’re feeling the same for yourself, then trying hard to get yourself out of that confliction is the only option you have. Or you’ll need help from those who’d like to bring about some positive changes to your life unconditionally.
Good or bad, low or high, up and down are inevitable in anyone’s life and everyone has to strive to create a good environment or condition for themselves by taking their stands. This is how I understand the life is!! You can have your own definition. Just because we all look at it from a different angle; each of us has a different idea about what life is!? So, we must not disrupt someone else’s idea of life and living under the guise of goodwill. I’d call it a humane act!! Instead of telling something to someone, it’s better to listen to them without being prejudiced or being judgmental. If you are capable of doing so, it’s really an achievement.
Thus, the best way is to be present as a witness, without feeling better or worse about someone’s condition. Try to help when being asked for. That also we’ve to do considering the limitations of the person and ourselves. Time and circumstances keep changing and so are the experiences!!