Enjoy reading a new article in the series – With love, Swati. If you prefer to read it in Gujarati, Click Here.
It is becoming a trend now days that we prefer symptomatic treatment for any smaller or bigger ailments. It might be due to the instant effect those medicines have. Equally for our different relationship issues, it looks like we are mostly turning towards favorable outcomes without trying to know the reason for the knot in that particular relation. Don’t you agree that it’s kind of perilious on social or individual grounds? Digging little deeper, one realizes that trust is the the corner stone of any relationship. Trust works as compost that nurtures and helps in making the bonding stronger.
Whenever we listen the word relation, so many images start emerging. Men-Women, Husband-Wife, Best friends, Guru-disciple etc. are in trend. That means people like to talk, read n discuss about all these relations. Among all, there’s one very important relation between parents and children that grabbed my attention and made me write this piece here. Today, when social media have raided from our houses to our minds, we can find well designed advice, suggestions, examples, ideals all about this relationship at our fingertips. But, once again, like every time, what if we check a different angle today? The purpose of my writing has never been to suggest or to teach anything, so here also it will be fun to read with an open mind as we are just looking at the possibilities.
You must have noticed that parents today are slowly embracing the modern values of life to the best of their ability. To befriend the offspring is currently in fashion! Their mannerisms and thinking patterns seem to be changing up to an extent(it only seems to be!). But this newness can’t enter the emotional terrains. And the foundation of trust keeps shaking due to one or the other reasons. You may definitely ask what modernity has to do with the trust issue. But, is modernity just a change in the way we dress, eat or drink or behave? For me, modernity means a positive change in everything that hinders or holds you back including nonprogressive conservative values!! Most of the parents after reaching a certain age, have that latent fear of ‘what if the vices prevailing in the society would attract their wards?’ ‘what if we (parents) would need help in future?’ ‘What if we’ll be physically and financially dependent?’, ‘What if son, daughter or daughter-in-law will take control over everything?’ Any of the questions here isn’t totally baseless still is imaginary for sure. Calling it fictitious because if all the incindents happening around us aren’t good then everything is not bad either. What’s the possibility of us having the same experience any other person in the family, society or in the world has? And if we have to deal with
the same mishap any known person has gone through, what are the chances of two different people reacting the same in that particular situation? In my mothertongue there’s a saying that when we don’t have five fingers same in a single palm, how’s that possible to have the same life, circumstances or experiences the others have?
As parents you consciously give your children time, comfort and education as well as unconditional love, warmth, affection, goodwill and trust. And the children keep on acquiring them all before you know it. After reaching a certain age, now it’s your turn to feel the confidence towards your bringing up and whatever you’ve given to your children.
I totally agree that there will be times when the young mind will take wrong turns making things more difficult. Or they might have different ways of doing the same things you’re doing since long. Yet, giving them that freedom and a chance to decide for yourself too will help your children develop self-confidence, a consciousness about right n wrong and a sense of responsibility. It’s just the parents have to let the children take the lead without doubting their integrity!
In any relationship, being surrounded by constant insecurities won’t help either side. So, showing a little faith would help in bringing positive changes and a comprehensive progress for the whole family. Trust and faith can give any relationship strength and security we keep looking for. When we say someone ‘belongs to’ us means that we have complete faith in that person and we won’t distrust him or her that easily.
I know the times have changed and has affected the whole value system today. Yet, we don’t afford to live with a suspicious mind every day. Because, children who feel your love and care without your telling them would surely sense the doubt or insecurity you’ll develop by distrusting them. So, whenever you feel losing faith in your kids, just check the consequences for once. Just watch if your lack of faith isn’t becoming the reason
for your children’s easy way escape from your life!
The rootcause of this mistrust mostly happens to be the life experiences of family and the social mishaps we witness. But by having a closure look, we can see that parents may be feeling suspicious or insecure due to their children’s personality totally different from them. The youth today is capable of carving their way in a completely new direction than their parents have in years. They have different thought processes resulting into new ways of doing things or achieving their goals. This most of the times seems to be bringing discomfort to parents’ life. The new unknown ways of living and working agitate them. Broadening brackets of values are not also easy to accept for them. This gradually growing anxiety starts hurting children before the parents even can notice.
For parents, I believe it’s quite normal to be in a dilemmatic situation and the mind can bother them with ‘What will happen?’ or ‘What to do?’. At that time, it’s better to walk with children holding their hands confidentally than to leave them alone, clueless in the darkness of doubt. Parents must be sure that time, circumstances and experiences will lead their children to the right state of mind. They might make wrong choices, but they’ll definitely learn to make something posititve out of it, if and only if parents are with them.
Parents must not forget that how old the children may get, they’re always gonna look back for you having their back in any condition. Your trust can help them endure any impending failure or loss. Your little faith can let your children be stouthearted, giving them a chance to live an emotionally secured life. So, there’s no harm in trusting our own kids, is there? It can save us from doing injustice to them and we also can be saved from living an insecure life.