Being in any relationship and maintaining it is like farming, requires a lot of hard work, efforts and maintenance. Even one does it all, the desired results are not promised. Fate or destiny might have a role in bonding people in marriages, but to make it work is left upon them totally. Certainly a litmus test!
This is a first article in an ongoing series of articles called – With Love, Swati. If you prefer to read it in Gujarati, Click Here.
In our society, relationships, their definitions, the rules for maintaining them are one of those tender and sensitive subjects.
When we specifically talk about marriages, we know clearly that no matter if it’s a recent marriage or it can be a couple of years’ union; in any case it takes a lot of hard work to cultivate mutual trust. To gain that unconditional support or cooperation people need to make some serious efforts. And still there are a number of examples where things don’t work as per expectations and that connection hardly gets established. Often due to the pressure and tension in the relationship, the person starts thinking about quitting it (it seems a lot easier at that time!) and thinking a little more in the same direction, he or she slowly concludes over moving on.
The simple justification remains moreover the same for him or her such as if none of them is gaining anything out of the union, it’s okay or better to move on in the desired direction! Here, what we consider as the gain is different and it’s more than just monetary benefits. In most cases, partners look forward to get happiness, independence, moral and emotional support, harmony, love, security etc. means the basic human requirements in a marriage I’d say. When one feels being deprived of each or most of the advantages on the list, he or she starts thinking rationally about how meaningless it would be to carry it forward and makes the mind about bringing an end to the whole idea of being married! Now, do you believe decisions taken under such circumstances are right? NO, in the most cases! Moving on in any relationship remains the last option here. Because, however modern we claim to be; our ‘Indianness’ doesn’t allow us to disconnect from anything so easily. Breaking out of something is not our favourite option ever.
Many a times, the matter is not much significant, but transforms into an extensive issue just because of individual, temperamental reactions to it. In such cases, a little patience guarantees miraculous results. There is only a simple condition here that partners should try to think about the person/ persons (if children are there) involved before jumping onto any conclusion.
Relations are the building blocks of our social structure, so if any of the blocks misfits, the whole structure gets affected and it has to be changed. But again as Indians we hardly are ready to re-arrange it in totality.
The relation, once re-arranged can’t take the original shape most of the times! (We must not forget that there are exceptions everywhere.) Every change brings some responsibilities with it but living up to those responsibilities with clear, precisely with a non-prejudiced mind is not that easy. It takes up quite an amount of time and energy. Now think if we’re willing to spend this time and energy in re-constructing and moving onto a new relation, then can’t we try maintaining the relation we already have built?
If something is tied or bound together and we constantly pull it from both the ends, the chances that it’d break apart will be more, right? Same applies to the relations, when in any relationship we constantly contradict to each other and not any of us is willing to change one’s mind about the disputes or issues in it, the possibility of its breaking apart will be more! So, instead of pulling it if we leave any of the ends little loose at that time, it can save the relationship and this seems a better option, isn’t it? Now, who’ll leave the end loose will be the next question. Here, I believe the one who understands this whole ‘saving the relationship’ idea can be able to leave it loose a bit easily than the other one. (So, who understands has to do it every time or not is completely a new topic for discussion… will do it in some future articles).
Thus, I think some timely and patient efforts can rekindle any relationship and majority of the times, people can observe and yield the favorable results. I have witnessed many couples who can laugh on their previous incidental struggles after living together for a considerable time. The key to this togetherness remains the same ‘leaving an end loose’ whenever it seems breaking apart. Patience and willingness are manures that help nurture any relationship. Trust and peace are the results guaranteed! (Love as an outcome will need some extra efforts, a little expensive it is! :)